Guilt, Anxiety, and Frustration

I have been struggling quite a bit more on night shifts than I have on my day shifts. While on day shift it was really busy, I always felt like I was connecting well with patients and the work load was always chaotic but manageable. I am not struggling so much with the actual work, but more with my mental state. My anxiety and “hermit tendencies”, as I like to call them, when I go home, have dramatically increased, which doesn’t make anything better.

In the last few days there was also an event at work, that although it was not directly my fault I still feel a great deal of guilt associated with it. I realize that I am being unfairly harsh on myself, but I just can not help but feel like I am totally responsible for that. I don’t want to go into too much detail about it, but initially the medication was hung incorrectly and as I caught the medication error later, but I feel I should have taken other steps to correct the situation. I however had not ever dealt with this situation before, so I followed the lead of my mentor and charge nurse on the proper protocol for this particular situation.

That being said I of course take responsibility for my own actions and realize that I should have listened to my nursing intuition for this particular situation, and notified the MD as well.  The PFO or pre formatted order was set up in such a way that it appeared that we should be able to titrate it according to the order set, but then the medication error element of it should have shot up little red flags to notify the MD, which my sleep deprived little brain failed to see as red flag warnings.

There are a couple of elements that I think factored into this particular situation that made it less than ideal, which is why I am still beating myself up about it. One being the craziness of the shift (those full moons I didn’t believe in before I sure believe in now). I was unable to even think about sitting down to chart until 1am, and this particular evening I was unable to even make it to my lunch/break period until 5am, which is 10 hours later and 3 hours later than I normally go. All of which are fine for me, it just goes to show how insane that particular shift was.

After having had a tough couple of weeks, I am trying to remain optimistic, but I am just afraid most of the time to go back to work now because of the acuity of the patients that have been on the unit so far. It is not a nice feeling to go to work and feel like you’re going to have a panic attack or something before you even start your shift. I am also frustrated by the fact that I feel like the acuity of the unit has gotten to be high lately. Each of the patients are not necessarily medically sicker, but they require more interventions and attention so other elements of my care feels like it is slipping. I also feel that there are a lot of admissions that all need to be done at once, and all of that paperwork takes time.

There are a couple of things I have decided I am going to try as a result.

  1. Probably the most difficult for me as I am working nights and tend to want to eat junk, is to try and eat healthier meals. I don’t mean like all of a sudden I am vegetarian or anything, but try to eat more vegetables and less junk/processed foods.
  2.  Another issue that I was being great with on days but am sucking with on nights is exercising regularly. I keep telling myself that it can wait and I am tired now, but realistically that is when I should be getting up and out. I know motivation when I’m tired is such a challenge so I am going to try and just get outside and walk even if its only 10 minutes, thats better than 0 minutes :).
  3. I am also going to try mixing up my schedule as that was a suggestion from another fellow nurse that I had not previously thought to do.
  4. I am also going to continue to ask for feedback from others to see what worked for them and what hasn’t. All suggestions are welcome as there is no way to know what works until after you have tried.
  5. I have also started baking again, something I love to do, but I have let it fall to the side as I have been tired.

IMG_4899

Hopefully some of these changes will allow me to feel more like myself again. I know it is unrealistic to try and implement these all at once, but I feel if I set a goal to try at least 1 per day that should help. Has anyone else had a struggle like this, or is still struggling? What did you do to help you move through it?

Let me know in the comments 🙂

~Niki

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Guilt, Anxiety, and Frustration

  1. Hey Nicole! I love seeing your blog posts and I think it’s such a healthy way to deal with the stress of being a new grad nurse! I just want to say, you are not alone!!! I am having such a hard time with night shifts too… I am eating crappy, not exercising, and not getting out to socialize enough. It’s really messed with my mood. I don’t have any good answers yet, just that I am trying hard to establish all those good habits you mentioned. Just getting outside into the sun really helps wake me up and boost my mood so I don’t waste my days off! I also have more trouble connecting with my patients at night, because I’m tired, they’re tired… I’m trying to just be more present in the moment and give each patient my full attention while I am with them. Keep your chin up, you are doing great work and it will get easier! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the words of support! It definitely helps to hear I’m not alone out there. I will have to try going in to the sun to see if that helps, I never thought to do that!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s